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Originally published at browneyedgirl.nu. You can comment here or there.
So, if you can't tell, I haven't been much of a blogger lately. And it's not that nothing is happening, it's more like too much is. I've been thinking about maybe changing this into a photography portfolio, once I get decent pictures to post. Who knows at this point?I want to thank everyone who has been lent me kind words and so on. I know it may not seem like it, but it means a lot to know you all are there if I need to whine a bit.
Originally published at browneyedgirl.nu. You can comment here or there.
Originally published at browneyedgirl.nu. You can comment here or there.
Ever have one of those days where you just know something bad is going to happen? You don't know what, or even why you feel that way, but you just know. I'm having one of those years, but today is definitely one of those days. And I am useless on these kinds of days. I sit around in my sweats eating junk food and watching movies I've seen hundreds of times before.Or maybe it is just Monday.
It's fitting, though, since I took the boys to the pool yesterday, which was awesome. We found this great place that is out in the middle of nowhere, literally, and is rarely busy. They have three pools; one 2-4ft, one 3-7ft, and then a pretty big baby pool. It's great. And the boys LOVE the water. Jonathan is a little daredevil, and Peyton is content to just float around and splash away. I have a feeling I know where we will be spending plenty of time this summer.
Those of you who have me on Flickr may have seen the pictures I took of my mom as my dad's Father's Day gift. She hates getting her picture taken, but we had fun and got some (I think) good photos. And my dad ... LOVED it. We ended up with 6 shots total, and because I hate making decisions and had no idea which one to print for him, I bought a collage frame and printed them all. Dad was stoked. I should have taken a picture of the frame once I'd filled it, but thinking ahead is not my thing lately.
Originally published at browneyedgirl.nu. You can comment here or there.
ETA: Please check out these links.http://www.myspace.com/kristyreynolds
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Originally published at browneyedgirl.nu. You can comment here or there.
Originally published at browneyedgirl.nu. You can comment here or there.
About six years ago I lost contact with a dear friend of mine. We had met online (eek) and over the course of several years, and a couple of in person visits, we got to know each other pretty well. But once he (yes, he) graduated high school and moved in with his dad, who had no phone and no internet, we lost contact. We wrote a couple of times, and he made the trip to a football game my school team was playing in his old hometown, but that was the last time I heard from or saw him.Over the last six years I have sat down on more than one occasion with the sole purpose of looking him up and getting back into contact with him. I've written him at both his mom's and his dad's addresses with no reply. I've gone through just about every 'people search' I could find, thinking maybe he got his own place or moved in with someone else. Nothing.
Tonight I came across some old emails and wanted to cry. We used to talk about any and everything, and even if we'd just talked minutes before we could still write these long-assed emails to each other and have something entirely new to say. After reading a few of the emails, I started again on my search for him, again coming up with the usual. I finally came across one record that had him listed at his mom's address again, and this record was supposedly "up to date". So, once again I got out paper and pen and wrote a short note, asking him to please call/write/email if he was still living there. Calling and talking to his mom is pointless. She never liked me and wouldn't even tell me if he actually was there. That is, if she was sober. And quite honestly, I'm terrified that I'd call and get him, and he wouldn't even remember me. It is a horrible feeling.
The emails also had me upset because I used to be such an ass. It's painfully obvious I just figured we'd always be friends and I took it for granted that something could keep us from keeping in contact. I have a couple of emails where he asked why I'd blown him off, and those really made me want to cry because I was so nonchalant, and here I am now desperately trying to locate him.
I'm also worried about if/when I do get in contact with him ... what do I say? Why the hell did you stop writing/calling? I can't lay all the blame on him because I got lazy once several months would go by without a reply. But I can't help but wonder why he stopped replying. Even just a short note saying he was still there. That he got my letter. That he missed talking to me as much as I missed talking to him. And what if we have nothing to talk about anymore? I'd like to think that we could spend time catching up from years lost, but what if is just like two strangers? It truly brings tears to my eyes to think of it.
When I first told Tyler about this friend, I know he was suspicious, but now he's very supportive in my reasons for wanting to contact him again. He may not understand it completely why I feel the need to continue to look for someone who hasn't even attempted to contact me in the last six years, but he supports me just the same. And I love him for it.
I really don't know why I am writing about this other than the fact that I've just spent the last four hours scouring the internet for any sign of him, and this just happened to be the first place I came once I gave up on my search.
I'll give my letter a month. After that I'm going to suck it up and call his mom. After that, I'm going to give up. I just don't know what else to do.
Originally published at browneyedgirl.nu. You can comment here or there.
It's the weather.Jonathan's done with all of his screening sessions and "qualifies for services." They will work with him one time before summer. One time. And only because that is part of their policy. However, at this point I think we are forgoing Head Start because the local preschool teacher is anxious to work with him, and I have no possible way of getting him to Head Start by 8am when Tyler doesn't even get home until 8.
Peyton has a tooth and two more cutting through. This isn't teething, this is hell. Nothing makes him happy -- well, pulling my hair and gouging my eyes out, but still -- and he doesn't want to eat or sleep. Add to that his 6 month shots tomorrow, and I think I'm breaking out the bubble bath and alcohol early.
Yesterday I had my first "stranger shoot", and just about everything that could go wrong, did. First, they were horribly late. Then, the parents were too busy trying to set up shots and everything to even listen to what I was trying to set up. I'm all for giving them the shots they want, but there's a reason they came to me and wanted me to take the pictures, you know? Then the mom has the nerve to pull out her fucking camera, step in front of me, and start snapping pictures. And the I had them signing some copyright paperwork and then dad goes on about how he took their last pictures to Walmart to make copies and the mom is standing there pretending he didn't, just trying to get him to shut up. AND THEN I dropped my lens cap in the river from the bridge 40 feet in the air. And since I am not charging any kind of 'sitting fee' for these practice sessions, I'm about the $13 for my lens cap. I came home and cried. When I was done crying I opened my disks and cried some more because the pictures did not turn out very good at all. Because they were so late it was starting to get dark out. Plus, I got very few with all four kids looking at me at the same time. Because the dad was standing to the side trying to make them laugh. When I needed them looking at me. The mom mentioned something about doing pictures again in the fall (more gripes about this, basically they wanted me to just go into someone's property without getting permission) and I am definitely going to be BUSY when they call.
Yesterday was also Tyler's first softball tournament of the season. Which would have been fine, except that the second game was against my ex. Who is a jerk.
It just has not been my year.
Add to all of this the fact that it has been raining since Wednesday, and is supposed to continue raining until this coming Wednesday. See the pictures below? These are fields. Not ponds or lakes. Fields.
Originally published at browneyedgirl.nu. You can comment here or there.
Jonathan did something tonight that brought tears to my eyes. It's small, and most people will raise an eyebrow at my reaction, but after the week I have had, among other things, it fits.Tonight he was lying on the floor with a row of cars (from the movie Cars as well as good old Hot Wheels) and a helicopter. All of a sudden I see him flying the helicopter over the row of cars and I hear him saying "Found McQueen, found McQueen." See what I mean? Seems small to you, right? Well heres' the thing. Jonathan doesn't play pretend. He just doesn't. Sure, he'll drive his cars around and make them crash and so on, but to actually have a 'storyline' in his play ... unheard of.
The speech therapist called today to schedule his screening for Friday. I missed the call, but she left a message with my parents. I didn't get in touch with her yet ... we're playing phone tag apparently. But, I'm glad that things seem to have been put in motion quickly. I'm terribly impatient, and I think if we'd had to wait for all of these tests and screenings, I probably would have just given up on them completely and took matters into my own hands. Not the best choice I know, especially if he truly needs the help (he does, and I don't need a fancy degree to tell you that).
I know someone is going to come along and say, "It's funny how she never mentioned this before. She's just taking this and running with it to get attention." You know what? I wish that was it. I wish this was something I simply made up to get attention. Because then I wouldn't have had to listen to my call answered today, "Special Ed office." I wouldn't have to sit there and feel my cheeks burn every time some kind stranger hears how old J is and asks him a question, expecting him to answer like any other kid his age, and instead get a blank stare or hear about what color his car is.
Switching gears, Peyton is teething majorly lately. I counted two spots on his gums were teeth are right there ready to break through, and another two or three places where they are red and tender. NO WONDER he's been so crabby lately.
I can't get over how big my baby is getting. He's rolling like a pro, scoots on his face occasionally when he's really pissed off, and has this little half squeal half cackle thing that makes me laugh no matter what. He's got his "too cool for you" look down, as well as his judgy look. I get that one a lot. He already knows when he is being naughty because he looks right at me (or whoever is holding him) as he does something he's not supposed to, such as pulling hair (his favorite).
Babysitting is going ... well, not great. She's mouthy and bossy and she's constantly trying to get Jonathan in trouble. If she was my own child she would have been spanked long ago, and I do not like to spank. But that's just how bad it is. She is in timeout daily, several times a day. And hell, maybe I'm just a bitch. Who knows? I've talked to her dad, but he blames it all on the divorce and refuses to do anything. He knows how bad she is. But I guess there isn't anything I can do about it.
Originally published at browneyedgirl.nu. You can comment here or there.
Every time I sit down to update, something else comes up. Or my computer freezes. Or I can think of nothing to write. Seriously.Things have been a bit better around here lately. Both boys are feeling better. I still have a cough that just keeps hanging on, otherwise I'm better too. Of course, feeling better equates to feeling active, and last week our high was in the 40s. 40 degree weather and an over active three year old. Yeah, those go together.
Last week Jonathan had two preschool enrollment days. The first was for Head Start, which we have been trying to get him into since last September. The second was for the preschool at the grade school here in town. At Head Start all they did was take our verification of income and send us on our way. Can I tell you how well this sits with me? It doesn't. Because he can't get in if we make too much money or if he doesn't have a disability. That's fine and dandy but their income qualifications suck and how in the hell can you tell me if he has a disability or not when you DON'T EVEN TALK TO HIM? I was pissed and bitch the whole way home from it. I'm not saying J has a disability, but it has been obvious for a while now that he has a speech delay, which is the main reason we first started trying to get him into Head Start to begin with.
The enrollment at the grade school was an actual screening where he went to three stations. Language, Motor Skills, and Concepts. They actually worked with him and talked to him, and when he was done they sat down with me and discussed his scores. Initially I thought about blogging in detail about what we found out, but I can't do it. I feel like I would be putting J on display and setting myself up for the "You're a bad mom" finger wagging, so suffice to say the lady I talked to at the screening agreed with my assessment of his speech delay and is going to put a word in for J at Head Start. She thinks he would benefit greatly from it. She was just as mad as I was when I told her about how they didn't even talk to J when we took him to their "enrollment". She wants him to see a speech therapist to get a better idea of where he is and to make sure there isn't something physically wrong that it causing the delay.
The whole experience has me completely torn. On the one had, although I don't want J to have disabilities, I'm so glad that we've found out there may be something wrong now so that we can get him the help he needs. While he is young. On the other hand, when she handed me a list of things I could be doing with him to help him, I wanted to cry. It was like she was saying, "Here's what you're doing wrong." And you know what? We already do about 90% of the things on the list. We read to him, we count with him, we talk to him, we play with him. Every day I sit down and work on numbers and colors and letters with him. We have workbooks and flash cards and videos.
All along, a big part of J's "problem" is that he is the only kid his age in town. He's the only kid close to his age in town. He doesn't get to interact with kids his own age. He's constantly surrounded my adults. Adults who, without even realizing it, tend to finish his sentences for him. Also by not being around his peers he hasn't really learned how to share and play nice. Which, really, he does pretty well with considering.
J is not dumb, he is not stupid. And I don't say this because I am his mom and I don't want to admit something is wrong with him. I say it because it is true. He picks up on things very quickly. He surprises me every day by knowing something that I don't recall teaching him.
Other than that, we're all still here and I promise to try and update more often.
