8 posts tagged “adjusting”
P turned 2 months last Wednesday. I cannot believe how time has flown. It seems like just yesterday I was heading through the hospital door with enough crap in my arms they thought I was permanently moving in. And now he's all smiling and growing and ... *sigh*
Today he had his 2 month shots, and he handled them like a pro. As with J before, I could not hold him during the actual process, Tyler had to. J and I sat across the room, both of us fighting tears when P started screaming after the first shot. J turned to me and said, "Hurts Peyton!" with tears in his eyes. What a big bro!
His next appointment is the 29th at 3 months. I'm curious about his weight gain. The first month he was gaining about half a pound a week, but from week 4 to week 6 he only gained about 4 ounces, so I'm curious to see if he's continued with the slow weight gain or not.
The colic seems to be slowly getting better. For the most part he sleeps decent at night, and has long content periods during the day. Today I even had him cackling before his shots. It's so nice to see him smiling and laughing after nearly two months of pure screaming. He's even starting to let me cuddle him now. I can't even begin to tell you how hard it is to cuddle a screaming, rigid-bodied baby.
I'm kind of sad that we haven't had any professional pictures of P done yet. As much as I love taking pictures, I'd like to have at least one set of professionals to compare with J's. But money is just so tight this time of year (whose idea was it to make property taxes due 5 days before Christmas?!) and so they'll have to wait a bit longer. I feel bad because with J money was tight but I still managed to get pro pictures taken every few months the first year and every six months after that. We haven't had any professional pictures done since April with my Smile Savers plan ran out at Sears.
In other news, J and I made a Christmas countdown chain yesterday. I'm not sure how much he understands about Christmas, so I'm doing what I can to get him all excited about it. We're going to make a tree topper and door hanging, too, as soon as I get some new markers and glue. I thought I had all of this stuff hanging around, but apparently not.
I have so very little Christmas shopping done that it's not even funny. I've got a V-Smile, Hot Wheels set, and Christmas jammies for J, a Bod body spray set for my cousin, and that's it. Tyler's older two nephews are getting wood letters to paint, and other than that I don't even know what to get anyone. Money is super tight, as mentioned, so no one is getting anything too spectacular. I wanted to do homemade gifts, but I didn't get started as early as I wanted to.
Tyler missed work last night with the flu, and I'm keeping my fingers crossed that no one else gets it. J and I have both been sniffly for days, but that's as far as it has gone.
Tyler has to make up the work he missed on Friday night, which sucks, but necessary. His Christmas party at work is this weekend, and I'm actually excited. Weird, I know, but the place they have cater is amazing. I could care less about the rest of the party as long as they keep having the same place cater. Tyler wants to go out to his buddy's afterwards to play cards, but I will probably end up back home with the boys. I'm still not comfortable leaving P with anyone for too long, and since my sister will probably babysit and she's not too comfortable trying to take care of P during his fussy periods ... it is better that I skip the poker playing.
A P picture and then I'm out. It is a lovely angle, I know, but I had to be fast to catch the smile. He's a quick little bug.
Around 2 and a half to 3 weeks Peyton started having his 'witching hour'. Anytime after 10pm and before 2am he'd start fussing, and anywhere from 2-3 hours later he'd be screaming bloody murder. In that time he'd eat anywhere from 3-5 additional ounces, even if he'd just eaten an hour or so before. I'd change his diaper multiple times. I'd rock him. I'd bounce him. I'd wrap him up. I'd put him down. I tried the swing, the bouncy seat, the pacifier. And after hour four, I'd put him in the bassinet and lock myself in the bathroom and cry. A good ten or fifteen minutes, and I'd pick him up and start the whole process over again.
I didn't tell anyone. What kind of mother cannot comfort her own baby? During those four or more hours a night I'd sit there and wonder what I'd done that my baby hated me so bad. I'd think horrible things about how I didn't know if I could take it any longer. I'd plead with him to just stop crying. I'd make promises about how I'd take him to the zoo and Disneyland, etc. when he was older. I'd wonder why Jonathan was such an easy baby, but Peyton was so miserable. I'd think to myself, why can't he just stop?
I finally said something to my mom who, at first, I know thought I was exaggerating. But after the first two weeks, when the circles under my eyes got darker and darker, I finally agreed to make an appointment with Dr. L. That was when we started looking into the reflux. Dr. L prescribed Zantac, and I hoped upon hope that this would help with the nonstop screaming. It did nothing but make his spitting up even worse. Back to the doctor we went, and it was decided then that he's an otherwise perfectly healthy baby. Just ... fussy.
If you've ever had to sit and listen to your baby cry without being able to comfort them, you know how hard it is and how helpless it makes you feel. Now, imagine that feeling for several hours a day, everyday. And it currently shows no sign of letting up. The only change for the better that I've seen so far is that he's moved to fussing during the day and actually sleeping through most of the night.
I remember thinking of colic as something that I'd never have to worry about. Jonathan was such a happy, easy baby, so Peyton should be, too. And hopefully he'll out-grow it and become a happy baby.
In other news, my 'baby' sister and I went out on Sunday afternoon and were scouting different places to take pictures. We found this old bridge (I swore it was there, dad told me they replaced them all) and were playing around on it. I didn't get any great pictures, but one or two turned around decent.
And not this disjointed half an hour to two hours at a time. I need a full night's sleep. Selfish, I know, but I am having trouble functioning lately. I don't know how many times I have walked out the front door to go somewhere, got halfway down the walk to the car and realized ... I still have my slippers on. Or I made it down to the grocery store, all by myself, only to find that I had a burp rag on my shoulder. Luckily they all knew I'd just had a baby so I didn't look like a complete ass that just walks around with stinky rags hanging off her shoulder.
I know ... breastfeeding is good for Peyton, and really I love that I am giving him great nutrition. But can I confess something? We're not really breastfeeding per se. After weeks of horrid latch problems, I am pumping almost exclusively and bottle feeding the milk to him. He would either scream his head off or fall asleep every time I got him ready to nurse, and I can only take so much of my little man screaming before I would cut off my own arm to make it stop.
Sometimes I find myself thinking, "this pumping business is the suck," and then wondering if it wouldn't be easier to just stop pumping. But, then I kick my own ass and break out 'old reliable'. Yeah, it does suck to be up twice as long as I should have to be for the nightly feedings; first to feed Peyton and then to pump out his next meal. But also so worth it.
And so, I get no sleep in this endless cycle of pumping and feeding and attempting to nurse ... rather, rinse, repeat. I know it'll get better, and it probably wouldn't be so bad if Jonathan didn't wake up 99% of the time. Then he wants to help, or play, or both. So, not only do I have to get Peyton back down and then pump, but I also have to get Jonathan back to sleep as well. Fun.Stuff.
Really, I try not to complain too much, though, because when Tyler gets home from work at 8am he does take over with Peyton for an hour or two, but then I feel like ass because I HATE sleeping in, even if it is the only sleep I get. I wake up at 9:30 or 10 and feel like I have missed out on a better part of the day.
Not that I get anything done anymore. Dishes? I wash them as I need them. Laundry? Tyler's domain. Toys on the floor? Just a swift kick so they aren't in my path. Trash? Again, Tyler's domain. Pretty sad, really. I keep saying if I had more sleep I'd be more effective around the house, but deep down I know that's not the case either. I hate housework, period, and no amount of sleep will ever make me like doing it. Not to make it sound like my house is filthy or anything. Just cluttered most days.
So to end ... I guess I really don't NEED the sleep that bad, do I?
The day we brought Peyton home from the hospital it was up over 90 degrees outside. This last week we have been lucky if it has reached 40. I'm sooo not ready for winter. It costs too much to heat the house, and I haven't gotten Jonathan any new heavy sleepers/pjs either (they're expensive, too). Luckily for Peyton, we still have plenty of old sleepers and Jonathan's old winter coat. Even if it is a little bit big still.
Today was our two week checkup. Our. Because I forgot that I had to get checked out, too. We had the cover doctor, and believe it or not, I really liked him. If I didn't have Dr. L, I would definitely be seeing this guy. He's very friendly and very thorough. He asked all sorts of questions and explained things very well. It's kind of a shame that he's not staying around here.
I did run into Dr. L on my way back to the room. He stopped us and checked out Peyton and asked how I was doing. I was surprised to see him out and about so soon, but he looked really good. Hopefully that means he'll be back at the practice in time for my six week checkup.
Anyway, now for the stats:
Birth: 8lbs 10oz
Release: 7lbs 15.9oz
1 Week: 8lbs 9.5oz
2 Week: 9lbs 4oz
Birth: 21 3/4"
2 Week: 22 1/4"
So he is definitely growing. I told Tyler before I left that I guessed him to be about 9lbs 3oz, so I was close. All the nurses (who had to gather around when he was being weighed and coo over him) couldn't believe he was only two weeks old, but I think all of the hair makes him look older.
As for my part of the checkup, doc said I looked really good for someone who had just had a baby two weeks ago, which I'll take as a compliment. I actually feel pretty good physically. Mentally I am getting there, but a certain family situation has kept me from 100%. No PPD or baby blues or anything like that. Just this huge sense of dread at having to be around the in-laws anytime in the near future. That's one for another post, though.
I think I am finally starting to see how my dad felt all those years as the only male in a house full of females. Only, obviously, reversed. I'm not complaining ... I love the idea of having not one but two momma's boys. I just have to make sure and get out of the house every once in a while to get a little female interaction. There are just some things, especially post-partum, that you can't/don't discuss with someone who doesn't know exactly what you are going through, you know?
One of those things is what happens when you push yourself a little too hard after having a baby. I felt GREAT the first couple of days after having Peyton. Wonderful. I told my doctor that it was ridiculous just how good I felt. And then, it hit me. The aches, the cramps, the overall soreness, not to mention the other issues that come along with. Well, last Friday I was thinking "hey, this is great. All of those post-partum issues are clearing up and I feel good again," and right about that time is when I was trying to clean house for company. Guess what. Being on your feet all day for two days can cause some of those "issues" to flair right back up. I felt back letting Tyler do most/all of the work, but he assured me he understood and didn't have a problem with it.
Speaking of Tyler, he went back to work last night. I was paranoid about being home alone all night long with a three year-old and a newborn, but it actually didn't go too bad. Peyton slept better than he had been, and Jonathan slept all night without waking up. Hopefully we are on the right track now.
Peyton's two week checkup is on Thursday. He's seeing the doctor who is covering for Dr. L while he's out of the office. All of the nurses at the hospital really talked highly of him and recommeneded seeing him. They said he's real young and has young children of his own. I can't say that I'm 100% convinced, but it is only one visit before Dr. L gets back, and it's not like he is diagnosing some major illness. Just doing the routine weights, measurements, etc. What can I say? I've been spoiled by Dr. L and am officially a doctor snob.
Yesterday was Peyton's one week birthday. I cannot believe how fast this first week went by. It was also our in-home checkup.
Birth: 8lbs, 10ozs
Release: 7lbs, 15.9ozs
One Week: 8lbs, 9.5ozs
So, apparently we are actually doing something right because P is having no problem putting on weight. He is definitely an eater. It can make for some long nights some nights, but definitely worth it.
I always knew that there would be a learning curve when it came to going from one kidlet to two. But wow ... things have been even more hectic than I had imagined.
At the same time it is all worth it. J is doing great with P. He always wants to help, but so far has done real well not to be too rough with him or jealous. Tyler and I have been doing everything we can to make sure that J doesn't feel like he's being left out in anyway, and so has everyone else.
Nights have been the worst, especially since J still wants to sleep with Tyler and me. So far he's slept through most of the late night wakings, which really surprised me. I figured he'd be up everytime P made a peep. He's gotten up a couple of times and wanted to help change and feed P, but mostly he's slept through the hubbub.
P's adjusting as well. The first couple of nights, especially while still in the hospital, were rough. We really struggled with nursing. Even the LC's at the hospital were baffled as to why we were having so much trouble. Things have gotten a little better now, and I refuse to give up. I struggled with J, and got so frustrated that we only made it a month. This time I am much more determined, and know a little more about what is going on, so hopefully once we all get settled in things will go more smoothly.
And while P may look just like J did when he was born, he's a much different temperment. J was a pretty calm baby, but P has been much fussier. Not necessarily a crabby baby, but he has less content times than J did. I guess it is his way of reminding us that as much as they look alike, they are two very different children.
Children. I have two children. Two sons. It's taken a while, but I think it is finally sinking in. Give me another week or so and I should return to "normal".
